


In Which Guy is an Oblivious Idiot, and Kakashi is Exclusively Attracted To Idiots

by Anannua



Category: Naruto
Genre: As in he is Exclusively attracted to idiots, Crack Treated Seriously, Drunken Flirting, First Kiss, Fluff, Gay, Happy, Happy Ending, Hope Springs Eternal, Humor, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, KakaGai - Freeform, Kakashi Has a Problem, Kakashi is Moronsexual, M/M, Oblivious, Only Guy can Help, That's it, Yaoi, and Guy is THE idiot, i don't even ship these two and yet here we are, that's the whole story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:27:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22348750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anannua/pseuds/Anannua
Summary: Konoha’s Green Beast, Maito Guy, is sitting in a bar at three in the afternoon.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Maito Gai | Might Guy
Comments: 13
Kudos: 196





	In Which Guy is an Oblivious Idiot, and Kakashi is Exclusively Attracted To Idiots

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where this came from. I don't ship them, and I don't write Guy, except, this happened?

Konoha’s Green Beast, Maito Guy, is sitting in a bar at three in the afternoon.

Not because he’s been driven to drink! Rather, because he’s waiting for his Eternal Rival, who has issued a challenge of imbibition of his own accord. So rarely does the other man outright challenge Guy that of course he had agreed to it before considering the time of day.

A few civilians give him worried glances as he sits at the bar in broad day light.

 _Maybe he’s so jolly because he’s on the sauce,_ they’ll think. But he knows better so he doesn’t worry. And it’s just like his Eternal Rival to be late, so of course Guy has shown up not at noon like originally planned, but well after the fact, which is why he’s only alone at the bar for maybe fifteen minutes, twenty tops, before his rival appears in a swirl of leaves.

“Two pints,” he says to the bartender kunoichi.

“Ah! There you are! My Eternal Rival, I have heard your request, and I am thrilled to meet you at the challenge of your own choice! But, I must ask, before we partake…”

Whatever Guy means to ask goes out the window because Kakashi pulls down his mask and goes to chugging his drink down.

Never one to lose ground, Guy ignores the rare sight of the other man’s face and follows suit.

They finish their drinks nearly in tandem and set both glasses down rather loudly on the bar.

“Please,” Kakashi says, handing over what appears to be a rather large wad of bills to the girl behind the bar, “keep them coming.”

His money disappears and is replaced by another pint of alcohol.

Guy looks mildly distressed at Kakashi’s sudden drive to drink, but there’s a silver eyebrow cocked his way in a clear challenge, and Guy musters his spirit, and grabs his refilled glass.

“Yosh! May Youth prevail!”

+

They throw back drink after drink. The pretty barmaid keeps the counter clean and their glasses full. Guy is keeping tabs but after four full pints his bladder begins to complain and the numbers start to sound the same in his brain.

“My Rival,” he says, twice, as he gestures with a half-full glass, “I’m beating you! The vigor of Youth will be victorious after all!”

“I sincerely hope not,” Kakashi mutters, nursing his own drink. He looks quite sullen.

 _Something must be troubling him,_ Guy wonders as he lifts his glass.

At first he chooses not to ask, because Kakashi is a private person. Perhaps he won’t want to talk about the sudden need to go out for enough drinks to put a normal person under the table.

But they’re friends, aren’t they? Friends can worry about friends. Especially when they’re five or six drinks deep.

Guy’s face is a little serious as he turns to his childhood friend and rival.

“Kakashi. It’s most unusual for you to seek me out for a challenge. And a challenge of this nature…”

Guy pauses. Kakashi’s face is more or less visible, though he keeps the glass up, as though missing the presence of his mask to obscure his face. Without it Guy can see the gentle soft pink coloring on his cheeks that indicate he’s quite drunk. When Kakashi turns to face Guy, with a childish scrunch to his nose and a half pout on thin lips, Guy forgets his train of thought and loses himself in laughter.

He’s never seen his rival look so plainly petulant before! What a rare treat!

Of course, Kakashi takes the laughter as Guy laughing at him in general, and the expression shifts to a half scowl. Kakashi grabs Guy’s glass away and downs it in retaliation.

The other jounin grins and gestures for the bar maid.

+

“There we go!” Guy laughs heartily, finishing his next drink and posing dramatically with the empty cup raised high. “Eight glasses gone! That’s the power of Youth!”

“Please don’t stand on the chairs.”

Guy scrambles down quickly, apologizing to the kind barmaid. The bar is starting to fill out with other patrons. Guy wonders the time, the sun is still above the tree line. How long have they been here?

“Give up, Guy,” Kakashi goads, gesturing at an empty chair with his last glass. “You’re _toast_.”

“On the contrary,” Guy says as he saves the cup from slipping out of Kakashi’s hand. “You seem to be at your limit!”

Kakashi scowls. “I can still… I can…” He licks his lips and frowns, then covers his mouth. “Urph.”

Guy is inebriated, but not so impaired that he can’t grab his Rival and escort him via Shunshin to the bathroom.

They arrive just in time for Kakashi to puke his guts out.

It would be churlish of him to celebrate his clear victory while Kakashi is in pain. But while his Rival’s back is turned Guy does pump his fist once.

The sound of Kakashi emptying his stomach sort of ruins it, though.

Guy only wobbles a little as he puts a hand over Kakashi’s back. The other jounin jumps, a little, but Guy just provides a steady pressure, gentle but firm, something warm for Kakashi to focus on. He knows from experience and second hand accounts that unnecessary talking can cause headaches at this stage of inebriation so he offers silent company. Kakashi’s body shudders as it expels a final time.

There’s only the sound of Kakashi catching his breath, then.

Guy treasures the sound, holds it close to his heart. Who else has heard Kakashi in such a vulnerable state? It warms his heart that his Rival trusts him enough to choose him to lend this strength, this support. He vows to train extra tomorrow morning to remain strong enough for the other man to count on him.

“The contest is over! I have prevailed! And now, my Rival, please allow me to escort you to your domicile.”

Kakashi gurgles something that might be appreciation. Guy chooses to believe it’s not more vomit, and helps the other man stand.

+

They don’t quite stumble down the street. Kakashi has expelled enough drink to give him back a slice of his former sobriety but not enough to keep him sturdy on two feet without support. Guy beams as Kakashi leans on him without prompting.

Night has fallen. They blend in perfectly, two shinobi en route back home, having had a night of Manly Fun between them.

Kakashi digs around for nearly two minutes before he can produce keys to his apartment. Guy waits patiently until the door opens, then helps Kakashi inside.

He’s been here once or twice before but who’s keeping count?

“Guy.”

“Yes, my Rival! Do you require further assistance?”

He’s ready to help however he can. Kakashi stares up at him for a solid minute and Guy, though quite drunk, is still a bundle of glorious energy, ready at a moment’s notice to apply himself in any fashion to assist his long-time rival and friend.

“My students keep trying to jump me.”

Guy blinks.

Kakashi blinks back, a bit unsteadily.

“Huh.”

“They’re not being subtle about it, either,” he continues into the silence following that.

“My Rival,” Guy starts, unsure of the exact meaning Kakashi is chasing, “you are inebriated now, but surely when you are not chemically impaired, you have no trouble avoiding three genin level students!”

“They’re not trying to physically jump up on me,” Kakashi says, shaking his head a bit. “They’re trying to hook up with me.”

Guy’s brain processes this statement for a moment.

“And you find yourself unable to meet them at the agreed time and location?”

Kakashi stares at him then hangs his head.

“Guy. They’re trying to sleep with me.”

“Surely you have bunked with younger teammates before! The proper etiquette is simply to maintain—“

Guy’s words are cut off by the abrupt approach that he unfortunately is unprepared for. Thus, do both he and his Eternal Rival tangle their legs and go down with similar grunts of disorientation into a heap upon the floor of Kakashi’s very Hip and Cool apartment.

His own level of inebriation suddenly becomes a burden. Guy finds he is unable to summon the strength to remove his Eternal Rival from where they’ve fallen on top of one another. But Kakashi begins to speak, and Guy is loathe to interrupt, so seldom does the silver-haired jounin confide in anyone.

“They caught me with my mask off at the baths,” Kakashi groans. “Now they’re fixated on seeing it again. They’re _insatiable_. They’re going to be impossible when they actually focus on missions. They got past my security seals on my house and booby-trapped the apartment last week.”

“Your team undid the seals on your apartment?” Guy asks, mildly alarmed. Those are at least A-rank security seals, known to foil almost any attempt at entering or robbery. A team of genin disarmed them?

“A bunch of horny thirteen-year-olds,” Kakashi confirms sullenly, head laid like a lead brick across Guy’s sternum. The weight, while heavy, is quite endearing, and Guy bears it proudly.

“Ah! Youth can certainly impassion curious minds! Your guidance as a teacher is truly astonishing! I shall redouble my efforts with my own team!”

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do about it,” the other man mumbles, lips pressed right up against Guy’s clavicle.

The presence is soft, and could be sweet: were it any other than his Esteemed Rival, Guy might misinterpret the motion as a kiss.

As it is, he knows it’s just because Kakashi is pressed down on top of him, lying flat over his chest on the floor of his apartment.

 _Such a rare treat_ , he thinks again, seeing the other man in such a state.

Guy rather understands Kakashi’s team in that moment. How they could catch a glimpse of the real Kakashi and fight ferociously, nearly to the point of inappropriate behavior, to have a glimpse of it again.

“Guy? Are you listening?”

Kakashi sounds concerned. Guy, who recently triumphed over the other man, despite currently being on his back underneath him, realizes that this is not the first time Kakashi has asked after him—he’s been lost in thought.

“Apologies! I was considering your dilemma, My Rival! Truly, a troublesome conundrum. On one hand, you must obviously dissuade your students from breaking and entering, which is illegal! On the other, it is such a Youthful Thing for them to be so Passionately Devoted in their pursuit of spending time with you!” Guy gets the last part out a second before he breaks into Manly Tears of Joy, and a little bit of Jealousy. “How Hip! To be So Cool that your students simply cannot help themselves and go out of their way to seek out your company! Even at the cost of your privacy! It is truly Inspiring!”

There’s a long groan from the other jounin.

“Guy,” Kakashi grunts, lifting his head with a slight wobble, “They aren’t trying to spend time with me. They are trying to have **sex** with me.”

Guy blinks.

Then he blinks some more.

Finally, he draws his thick eyebrows together as he reconsiders Kakashi’s last statement.

“Rival, your genin team is far too young to engage in the vigorous act of Intimacy with anyone, let alone someone your age—“

Kakashi interrupts with a deadpan voice.

“Guy, in the last week I have been cornered by all three of them trying to take my clothes off. Naruto won’t stop kissing me. He’ll kiss any skin he can get to, and he isn’t above making Shadow Clones to help himself get at me. Sasuke has put me in more Genjutsu this week than I’ve been in my entire career. And Sakura keeps wearing less and less to training. I’m really afraid that one day she’ll just show up in the nude.”

Guy blinks.

Then he blinks some more.

Finally, he swallows, once, and considers Kakashi’s previous confessions in a different light.

“You are being pursued… romantically?”

“Sexually,” Kakashi confirms, sounding painfully relieved that Guy has finally come around. “You have to help me. I’m really in danger. If just one person catches them acting like this I’ll be at fault. It was funny, the first day, but it’s gone on long enough, and they’re _persistent_.”

Guy considers his Rival’s problem as Kakashi burdens him with his full body weight. He is being Rather Serious. Such is the nature of his predicament. It began as a joke, perhaps, Guy thinks, but clearly Kakashi is past the appropriate stage of teasing. He is Truly Concerned, and has come to Guy for actual guidance, a rarity that literally never occurs. It is So Incredible, and Amazing, and Humbling, that Guy has to sit them up and prop his Eternal Rival against the couch to clear his liquor-fogged head.

Kakashi’s students are pursuing him romantically, and Kakashi clearly has past his limit to permit such behaviors.

 _To find the end, one must begin at the start_ , Guy thinks practically.

“Say again what brought on their unwanted advances?”

“They say my face,” Kakashi slurs into the couch, eyes narrowed in displeasure, or perhaps over intoxication.

“They saw your face,” Guy agrees, thinking deeply with both eyes closed and a fist supporting his chin. “Admittedly, a Handsome sight! And all the more mysterious, for you keep it hidden constantly! You have created your own allure and it has worked against you, My Rival! Have you considered not wearing your facemark?”

Kakashi squints at him and makes an expression of disinterest visible even through the thin black fabric.

“….I started wearing it because my face reminded Dad of my Mom. It’s part of who I am,” he admits softly, more sober than Guy had given him credit for. “I won’t abandon it.”

Guy has to Pause, because this is Serious Business, and he can’t interrupt but he also can’t hold back the gush of fresh tears at Kakashi’s confession. He never knew! What a discovery! And his devotion to the look after all this time, how Utterly Manly!

“I did not know! Of course you should not change yourself, my Rival! It is your youthful yet misguided students we must redirect!”

“Yes,” Kakashi agrees dryly. “But how?”

Once he can stop sniveling Guy considers once again. Kakashi’s problem stems from his student’s state of infatuation. They have seen his Rival’s Cool and Mysterious Face, and have fallen for its Charm. They are so Inspired by the glimpse of it that they already had that they desire it again, beyond reason and logic, beyond the need to respect Kakashi’s privacy! It truly is a problem of serious magnitude.

Guy continues thinking, even as Kakashi collides with his dense deltoid muscle.

How to dissuade Kakashi’s wayward students? They certainly have their hearts set on a fabulous prize! For his Eternal Rival’s heart is of course a most coveted treasure among the youth of Konoha. His appeal knows no boundaries on gender, Guy thinks proudly, fire burning in his heart. His friend has accepted the romantic advances of both men and women to his knowledge, a contest Guy has yet to achieve a single mark in. Of course this only serves to inspire him! He takes Kakashi’s many victories in this challenge and uses them to fuel his own desire to one day have a romantic liaison!

The dark-haired man shakes his head. There’s no time to dwell on his own shortcomings. Kakashi has come to him for help. He must focus.

But there’s pressure he’s been ignoring that suddenly grabs his attention. In his drunken stupor, his rival has fallen nearly into Guy’s lap, and is pursuing his skin with curious fingers. The silver-haired jounin has nimbly (drunkenly) half-divested Guy of his jounin jacket already, while he was lost in thought. He struggles now with shoving the right arm off, because Guy has previously had it tucked under his chin in Deep Thought.

“Ah! Allow me, My Rival!”

Guy unfolds his arms and removes his jacket. Kakashi seems satisfied with this and focuses his gaze (twice) on Guy’s face.

“What now?”

He’s looking for an answer to his student’s sexual advances, and here Guy has been caught up in personal thoughts! How uncouth. He clears his throat quickly, helping Kakashi untangle their limbs, sitting the pouting jounin beside him again next to his own couch.

“Well! Have you spoken to your students about their inappropriate behavior?”

“They don’t listen.”

“Certainly they can be made to see reason! Have you not been clear that you are romantically unavailable?”

Kakashi’s laugh is low.

“But I am. Romantically available. That’s just it.”

Guy knows he looks confused at this statement. The other man tips his head to one side, eyeing Guy sidelong with his single available eye which results in what must be an unintentional smolder, which is an Utterly Smooth and Suave Look! It causes heat to rush to Guy’s face and he knows instantly that this is part of the problem—Kakashi is just effortlessly sexy.

There’s a pause that goes on for too long. Guy realizes that heat isn’t just flooding to his face. It’s also headed south, to inappropriate places for this discussion!

His momentary spike of arousal is crushed by the weight of disappointment in himself. His friend has come to confide in him! To seek guidance and council, yet Guy feels his body betray him, reacting to the suggestion that his incredibly fit, amazingly handsome, mysterious, infamous, and totally awesome Eternal Rival is Romantically Available.

Guy swallows despite himself.

Kakashi notices.

He blinks and comes away from the couch a bit.

“Guy?”

There’s a warble to his drunken voice that Guy can’t quite place. It’s because he’s inebriated, clearly, but it had almost sounded…hopeful?

But, hopeful for what?

“You are not currently dating somebody?” Guy asks, just to be sure.

“I’m not,” Kakashi replies, tone giving nothing away. Unusually, though, his body gives him away; he leans off the couch slightly, single eye glued to Guy’s face. He’s intensely focused. Guy steels himself through his next question.

“Then, if someone asked, you might perhaps give away your heart to a young man or woman, in the beautiful Rondo of the Springtime of Youth?”

There’s a motion under the mask that suggests Kakashi is licking his lips.

“What exactly are you saying?”

He croaks as he speaks, voice made uneven by all the alcohol, and quite possibly the lengthy discussion. Guy can’t remember the last time they spoke for so long. There’s something about the single-minded focus Kakashi is pinning him with that prompts Guy to quickly answer.

“Clearly your solution is to become Romantically Unavailable! Having a romantic partner is Hip, and Cool, and! If you find that securing an agreeable man or woman on such short notice, I! Might Guy! Am Fully Prepared to Assist you in seeking out someone for just this purpose!” He finishes with a flourish, confident, and flashes Kakashi his most encouraging grin, teeth gleaming in the dark of Kakashi’s apartment.

Kakashi stares at him.

Then, he slumps back into the couch with a long sigh.

Worried that his Expert Advice has somehow upset Kakashi, Guy swiftly stammers out alternatives.

“Or! Indeed, if your Youthful students are so undeterred, perhaps you should present the issue to the Hokage?”

Kakashi groans with feeling.

“I do NOT need to tell the Hokage that I cannot manage a handful of _horny teenagers_ ,” Kakashi monotones from the couch. “I just need them to stop trying to jump me. _Urp_.”

He raises a hand to cover his masked mouth, surprised at his own burp. Guy can smell the burst of alcohol that permeates the air, proof of their contest from earlier that very night.

Kakashi looks tired. Guy recognizes that the hour is late, and in their inebriated state they have missed a Youthful deadline for being in bed to rise with the sun. For all that Kakashi is powerfully built by the fruits of his own training, Guy has always had the upper hand on physical stature. It’s no task at all to pluck Kakashi from his spot slumped on the couch straight to standing.

The other jounin blinks owlishly at Guy as they progress through Kakashi’s apartment in a familiar direction.

“It’s late,” Guy says simply, catching Kakashi’s questioning look.

“Right,” Kakashi replies. His tone is wary, and his gaze never leaves Guy’s face as they reach the bedroom.

“Retire, Rival! We should address your problem in the morning, when our minds have fully revitalized, and our bodies have recovered!” While he’s no braggart, Guy does feel the need to point out the obvious. “You expelled quite forcefully, earlier.”

“Aa.”

Kakashi reaches out to hold the doorframe. Stabilized, he stands straighter, looks Guy in the eye with absolute determination, and says, “Come to bed with me.”

Guy blinks at the offer.

There’s a cheerful denial on the tip of his tongue, citing that the couch in Kakashi’s living room is certainly large enough to support him, that he will be Totally Okay with bunking on his own….

….but Kakashi is still holding his gaze, and, Guy realizes, still holding him with one hand, the other bracing them against the door that leads to his bedroom.

_Come to bed with me._

It’s possible, Guy thinks kindly, that Kakashi has never been quite so drunk before, to make such an embarrassing insinuation out of inviting him to stay the night.

It’s also possible that he meant it literally.

Guy takes another moment to ponder this angle, as the grip on his hand grows tense. Kakashi is such a private person. Despite his Cool and Hip attitude, it cannot be often that he takes company. Perhaps he is a lonely drunk? Someone who cannot hide their desperation for human contact in their vulnerable state. It isn’t something Guy suspected of his friend.

How touching! Guy has to hold back tears at the sudden rush of emotions. How dear! For his friend to choose him! Of all the company he might have taken, on a night such as tonight!

A fire lights in the pit of him, determination roaring to life as he nods once to Kakashi’s look of absolute shock, and walks into the bedroom.

He starts shedding clothing in preparation for sleep. There’s a soft intake of breath, and Guy pauses his stripping, turning to catch his Eternal Rival quickly averting his gaze. A teasing comment surfaces in his mind. Guy nearly says it, but the liquor has finally prevailed over his own defenses. It comes out slurred and unintelligible. Such is his just desserts for thinking of attacking Kakashi at his most vulnerable! Guy accepts his self-defeat with as much grace and dignity as he can muster.

“What… are you doing,” Kakashi’s voice asks stiltedly. Guy pauses folding his beloved fashionable green unitard to answer.

“I am preparing,” Guy says, and continues undressing for bed. There is a very loud swallow from behind him.

“Right… okay. Okay.”

Kakashi sounds unusually tentative. Guy is so accustomed to the other man’s lazy confidence. This new tone, cautious, uncertain, catches him off-guard. He clenches a fist, caught up in the moment of appreciating this previously undiscovered facet of his friend. He certainly is a man worthy of being Guy’s Eternal Rival!

Finished preparing for sleep, Guy seeks the covers of Kakashi’s bed and slips beneath them. It is no surprise when he feels Kakashi join him, for the agreement was to join Kakashi in his bed, but the other man leaves almost no room between them. Guy is quite certain that Kakashi has never been this drunk before. His inhibitions are clearly gone and Kakashi all but clings to Guy’s strong shoulders, body pressed to his back. He has never seemed needy until this moment.

It is a good reminder that Guy insist they never partake of such a contest again without limits. Kakashi has clearly passed his, he thinks as he idly shrugs off Kakashi’s searching fingertips as they creep up his side. They should have another contest at dawn! Perhaps a race? Or a challenge of strength! A contest to see who can do more one-handed push-ups? There’s a hand sliding up over his hip, and Guy removes it as he considers his options. What to choose?

Kakashi grumbles something and Guy feels a flush come to his cheeks; his friend’s hips roll into his backside unexpectedly, and, even more unexpectedly, drink has not dampened Kakashi’s youthful virility, the proof of which is pressing right up against Guy’s backside. Embarrassed for his friend, but not wanting to humiliate him, Guy rolls onto his back to hopefully prevent future mishaps.

There is a moment of adjustment as Kakashi rolls again, nuzzling (nuzzling!) into Guy’s shoulder with his forehead and cheek, muttering nonsense under his breath, while Guy tries to arrange their limbs in a less conspicuous tangle. Their current arrangement could obviously be mistaken in the morning, causing undue embarrassment.

He swallows an Unmanly sound when one of Kakashi’s drunkenly questing hands wanders over his bare hip. The motion is fumbling yet sensual. It drives Inappropriate Thoughts to Guy’s mind and he quickly tries to banish them. It is late! They are in bed to rest and recover for the challenges of tomorrow! He must focus his resolve to become unconscious so his body may fully re-energize. With an effort he falls completely still.

Kakashi also falls still, at last! Guy breathes in slowly, feigning the pattern of sleep, determined to ignore the other man’s further drunken antics. His stellar performance is flawless for Kakashi’s hands stop roving. Success! Guy thinks, lying perfectly still, maintaining the slow pattern of even breathing to suggest true sleep. He had only to lead by example. Sure enough, Kakashi’s head lowers (although it lands on his chest, Guy hardens his heart and steels his resolve, for he must maintain the appearance of unconsciousness!) and his limbs loose their restlessness.

Guy is completely focused on his performance. But lying so still it is impossible to miss the fruits of his Eternal Rival’s physical conditioning—the firm pectorals of his chest! The thick bands of his biceps, and impressive deltoids! The sculpted rippling over his stomach that suggest well-formed abdominal muscles! Truly! He is a specimen of incredible build.

The strong band of his quadriceps lean against his own and Guy fights down tears. Kakashi is in excellent shape! He is Truly Youthful—

“ _Goddamnit_ , Guy.”

There’s a surge as Kakashi presses completely up against him. Guy cannot miss the way his friend’s groin surges against his thigh, the way his hands grip desperately, as Kakashi buries his face into Guy’s skin near his neck and takes a deep, shuddering breath in long and slow, and cleaves to him.

It is completely, overtly, _blatantly_ _sexual_.

Guy feels his heart jump into his throat.

But Kakashi’s body rolls away a second later, turning away from the one-sided embrace and leaving a gulf of space between them. The other man settles swiftly and falls still, presumably in sleep.

The bed is suddenly, despite the presence of Kakashi’s thick comforter, quite cold.

However the hour is late, and Guy feels the treacherous grip of actual sleep grab a hold of him before he can throw off the ruse of sleep to confront the other man about it.

+

It’s morning.

Kakashi knows because of the light trying to filter in through the window, but also, to his consternation, by the soft grunting coming from the floor at the side of his bed, which indicates Guy is already awake and already doing push-ups.

Why is Guy in his house.

Kakashi can’t really think beyond the hazy thrum of a monster hangover. His head is _killing_ him.

The soft series of grunts transforms into slow exhales, rhythmic, to suggest Guy is doing sit-ups now. Kakashi can imagine the flex of his washboard stomach, clenching over and over to bring Guy up off the floor in perfect form, the motion hardening his already perfect abs.

 _Why is Guy doing sit-ups on my floor,_ Kakashi thinks, trying to sit up in his bed, which is an enormous task.

“Ah! My Rival,” Guy nearly shouts. The sound makes Kakashi’s _eyes_ ache.

“My head,” he moans pitifully.

“My Rival,” Guy repeats in as much of a whisper Guy can manage, which is simply an indoor voice made raspy, “Good Morning! It is a Beautiful Day! I apologize if I woke you with my morning routine! Would you care to join me?”

There is a pose, and Guy shines, and goddamnit it it is too early for functioning of any kind, let alone strenuous physical activity.

Kakashi doesn’t bother attempting to reply. He makes a groan that aptly communicates his current state of inability to function on any meaningful level, and burrows back into the sheets.

Guy’s hearty laugh booms in the bedroom.

“Very well! I shall redouble my own efforts and repeat my Morning Conditioning!”

“Quietly,” Kakashi mumbles from under the safety of his sheets.

“Verily!”

Why, Kakashi thinks, but there’s a rustle, and the blankets move just enough to expose the top of his head and enough of his face to make Kakashi squint against the light. Thus are his eyes closed when something pushes up against him.

There’s a pressure, strangely wet but brief, squarely on his forehead.

Kakashi’s brain sloshes in his head at the sensation.

It’s weird. Soft, yet firm. Smooth, and chapped.

Like lips.

Kakashi’s eyes snap open as Guy comes away from his forehead.

The silver-haired jounin feels his mind come alive with electric clarity, feels his heart leap in his chest, a hand snapping out and snagging Guy before he can pull back too far. His breath is uneven, and his Sharingan is spinning, but Kakashi doesn’t care, because Guy lets him drag them back down against the bed, doesn’t push him away like he did the night before, and then his hands are in Guy’s hair, and Guy’s laughter comes bubbling up right against Kakashi’s mouth.

It isn’t enough to deter him, because Guy kissed him. Guy. Kissed him, and is letting Kakashi do it again. And again, and again, and _keeps letting him_.

He wonders, briefly, if Guy is still drunk.

Just in case he is, Kakashi stops, which is an enormous effort, because what if Guy’s misunderstood again? What if he brushes this off the way he’s brushed off all of Kakashi’s obvious advances from the night before?

He drags himself away from Guy’s lips, slightly pink from Kakashi’s attention.

Guy’s grin is like the sun.

Whatever Kakashi wanted to ask sticks in his throat and he finds he can’t make himself ask.

Instead, wordlessly, he seeks Guy’s mouth again, and his answer is given when Guy surges to meet him halfway with his jubilant, hearty laughter.

+

They manage a fair amount of strenuous physical activity between the two of them, despite Kakashi’s apparent hangover.

+

After, when Kakashi is sprawled out, boneless with a heady kind of satisfaction, Guy revisits Kakashi’s original concern.

“I think this should help end your student’s unwanted advances.”

“This,” Kakashi parrots, too pleased to be curious about anything besides his own languid afterglow.

Guy pauses, and Kakashi drags his head out of the cloud of post-orgasmic bliss to see the mild anxiety Guy is wearing.

“I, I had assumed….” Guy trails off uncharacteristically. He has a nervousness about him that would be cute if he didn’t look so worried.

Kakashi figures it’s fair turnaround, for all that Guy had strung him along yesterday—but, with a fond exasperation, Kakashi rolls both eyes.

“Romantically unavailable,” he confirms, resting his head back down against the delightfully thick band of Guy’s thigh. “I’ll let them know.”

Even with his eyes closed, Kakashi feels the glow of Guy’s grin, and basks in it.


End file.
